8 Myths About Couple’s Therapy
Do you find yourself anxious or uncertain about starting couple's therapy? It is very common to feel uneasy, embarrassed and even hesitant to start. Sometimes the biggest hurdle couples face is just admitting that you need help and taking the first step. The truth is, there are no absolutes or guarantees, but couples therapy can be very effective given the right conditions and willingness to put in the work both in and outside of the therapy room. Here I will take some of the biggest myths about couple's therapy and will work to debunk them.
1. One Hour of Therapy a Week Will Solve All Our Problems – Therapy takes work. It is a process. Therapy happens when you are willing to be vulnerable, listen to your partner, take tools from the therapist, and begin applying it into your everyday life.
2. Marriage Therapy is the First Step to Divorce – This couldn’t be further from the truth. Marriage therapy is a resource to help you improve your relationship so that it does not have to lead to divorce. It does not mean it is easy and that there will not be hard conversations but seeking therapy is a way of prioritizing your marriage and work towards avoiding divorce if that is your goal.
3. We Should Be Able to Fix This on Our Own – People often think that they should be able to improve themselves and while that can be true, therapy can provide the accountability and resources to help you work through you and your partner's concerns. Friends and mentors are great tools as well but the benefits of having an educated, licensed professional guide you with a neutral, unbiased view are great.
4. If We Really Love Each Other, it Should Be Easy – I remember having a couple in the therapy room in a lot of conflict. The wife said to me “If we really love each other then it should be easy”. I was taken aback at this statement because of it's inaccuracy and that she really believed that. Love helps increase the desire to work and put effort into the relationship, but no one ever said that it would be easy.
5. The Therapist Will Take Sides – False. Therapists are trained to be neutral, nonjudgmental, and unbiased towards each party. The therapist may challenge you, but they will not take sides and if they are, then you should look for a new therapist.
6. Our Relationship is Too Far Gone – It may feel like this at times, but it is true that if you have two parties who are willing and able to put effort into the improvement of their relationship it doesn’t matter what your concerns are, growth is possible.
7. Couples Therapy Takes Too Long and Costs Too Much – Think of therapy as an investment into your future relationship, your children and your life as a whole. Therapy can take as little or as long as you need but if you’re willing to put in the work, you can see progress and growth very quickly, even after just one session.
8. Only Couples in Crisis Go To Therapy – Not at all. Some of the healthiest couples you see have been in or are currently in relationship therapy. The most productive couples therapy often comes when people are not in crisis. It provides a safe place for couples to open up, be vulnerable, share their concerns and prioritize their relationship.